In Praise of Old Folks’ Homes
If you are old enough to have a stable job, you are old enough to be cringe. Since both of these describe you, it stands to reason that you have read the latest research on happiness. A recent article in the New York Times says that what determines how happy we are is not how much money we have, but rather how connected we feel to other people. By this logic, your parents got it all wrong by moving to old folks’ homes that have rebranded themselves as Boomer Enrichment Centers. You, on the other hand, know better. The happiness research tells you that you should stay in your family home with your adult children, doesn’t it? You would never be so self-absorbed as to move to a Millennial Enrichment Center, would you? A retired elder law attorney, Orrin Onken, weighed in on the subject in a recent article on the Business Insider website. Onken has decided that the best thing for his family is for him and his wife to move to an assisted living facility when they can no longer live independently in their house, instead of having their children move in as caregivers. His motivations for this decision are partially, but not entirely, economic. For help thinking through the financial and non-financial implications of your plans for long-term care or aging in place, contact a Washington, D.C. estate planning lawyer.
Family Caregiving Doesn’t Make as Much Economic Sense as You Think It Does
When seniors choose to stay in a multigenerational household instead of moving to an assisted living facility, their motivations are often financial, but Onken says that they are failing to see the big picture. Family caregiving is not a recipe for generational wealth. If anything, it can worsen generational financial stress. Elder care is work, and when you do it for a family member, it is unpaid labor. Because many family caregivers also have paid jobs, it means that they are doubly burnt out, or that they must scale back their paid work to accommodate their family caregiving responsibilities. Onken points out that one’s 50s, the time when family caregiving responsibilities are most likely to be in full swing, are also one’s peak earning years. He wants his children to spend their 50s racking up those bonuses, saving for retirement, and building generational wealth. He would rather leave the caregiving responsibilities to professional caregivers, who are getting a fair wage and who can disconnect from their elder care responsibilities when they are not at work.
Burnout Is Just the Beginning
Putting all the caregiving responsibilities on one sibling makes everyone resentful. The caregiver feels that she is handling an enormous burden without help. The parents feel that the caregiver doesn’t care about them and is just using them for free housing. The other siblings think the caregiving is a cover for undue influence. Onken has even seen non-caregiving siblings get the courts involved to oust the caregiver sibling and put the parents under guardianship. If you don’t want to watch an estate dispute play out while you are alive, assisted living might be right for you.
Contact Tobin O’Connor Ewing About Aging in Place or Not
A Washington, D.C. estate planning attorney can help you make realistic plans for long-term care. Contact Tobin, O’Connor, and Ewing in Washington, D.C. or call 202-362-5900.
Source:
businessinsider.com/retired-children-care-assisted-living-2025-4
